idk what I'm doing

I legitimately feel that I am dead in life. I continue to go on living but I'm not alive. I don't even want to try anymore. Running has kept me alive and yet it's not enough. I am dead inside. 

 I miss you M. It's been 3 years since you left. I'll never forget you. I dreamt about you last night. I also dreamt about you a few nights ago. Your memory will never fade away. I'll always cherish you, forever.

 

 

 It's been one year since you left. It's been one year since you flew away faster than light. Nothing is ever the same. 2022 represented many losses but you leaving us hurt the most. I think about you every day. My soul cries for you. I cry for you. I hurt for you. I still need you. I miss you. 

I know nobody reads this. I just keep this for my own sanity. Wish I would've shown you my thoughts when you were around. Damn I miss you.

Also I haven't heard from ___ in months. I know my text from last month was read. I should stop trying to reach out. I lost 4 connections in 2022. 2023 has to be better. It has to be better for my mental health. I wish this was 2009 and this was me writing my first post. 

I MISS THOSE DAYS!

 It's 4:21 am.I'm too high too sleep but not too high to be numb. Why am I even alive at this point. There's no point if those you cherish have left or are leaving.

Nothing is ever the same. Drugs and love are both good but not quite the same. It seems my depression keeps getting worse. These last 5 months haven't been kind, I'm still hurting. Might as well keep getting high. I don't wanna keep thinking about it anymore. At least drugs never leave.

Everything feels so lonely.
Everything hurts.

It's been 4 days since you left this world. I miss you.
It really hurts.

I wish you were still here. I am not ready to face the world without you. I wasn't ready for this. I'm not ready to go on without you. I'm hurting. I miss you.