Happy 2012, oh the joy

First day of 2012 and I feel drained. I feel hopeless. This great feeling of worthlessness is overtaking me and I can't seem to shake it off. The little signs of happiness were just another illusion. I give up. I really give up, and it's such a shame because it hurts to give up. It hurts to accept things sometimes aren't meant to be and one isn't meant to belong. Life is dull, so bleak, and such pain. It hurts to wake up, hurts to get up from bed. Everything seems like a hassle. I wanna sleep all day, all night. I wanna forget about my everyday life. I need more narcotics, I'm running out of ways to keep my head numb. I really am. I'm currently typing this super tired, don't have energy. I despise the fact material things don't fill the void in the soul. My heart is empty, and I'm just a simple miserable person trying to understand why things never went my way. This is why being under the influence seems to help. I forget about everyone, about my pain, about the suffering, the deception, the dreams. ALL is gone for a few minutes, a few hours. I hate sober life, I hate intoxication. I hate everything about life. Every single thing there is in life is sickening, and this post is bullshit, I don't know why I'm writing down my thoughts. Nobody will read my thoughts, nobody cares about a bunch of random words. Life is pain. I feel like giving up.