Untitled.

Sometimes I feel like I should embrace the average typical human being that I am and just be jealous and full of envy. But that's not who I wanna be. I don't wanna be that. Earlier today I was that! And not rightfully so. But it got the best of me. And I hate the fact that it did. Sometimes I wish I never met people I met so far. I wish I didn't, so I didn't have to go through this. And I know I'm writing an angry rant. I know later on I won't be feeling this way. But right now I can't help it. I wish I could write everything on here. Earlier tonight I told this friend about everything, but, wow, it still doesn't feel like it helped me calm down. I should learn to accept and move on in life. You can't win all the time. I lost and I still refuse to admit it, but deep within, I know I did. I don't wanna be a sore loser. I'm tired, at work, trying not to think of the inevitable. I'm trying to wish things were like they were a couple of months ago. Why can't they be that way. I know I fuck things up, but I didn't fuck up anything this time. I really dislike the thought of "karma" as far as I'm concerned. What is karma anyway... Nothing but an idea, an illusion, a mere vague thought. I tried my best to be the best I could. I did.