It's currently 4:33am as I begin to type this. Shit I can't even concentrate on what to say. I'm just listening to some somewhat decent bm band I found out through the post-bm group on facebook. It's not pleasing but it's not lame either. I can't sleep, not like I slept all day. I guess I'm slowly accepting the fact depression has completely taken over me again. I can't sleep. I broke down already, fuck my life lol, sad. Why am I even writing this down. I wonder if anyone will ever read what I write. How sad it is that you have to vent in a place where no one will read your thoughts, it's like a silent scream. But that analogy doesn't go with how I feel, I'm not asking for help. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I just like being high, it's the only moment where all my sorrows go away. It's the time where I'm happy. Where I don't have to do anything but just enjoy the feeling of happiness. I think that's what it is. I can't sleep for shit. I hate life, I hate the people in it, most of them. Even most of the ones in my family. Probably not, I'm just tired of such pretentiousness. That's all. I'm tired of everything, tired of having to put up with society. I'm just tired, but not sleepy. Fuck my life man, what a good way to end a year and what a good way to start a new one. I have the belief it's going to be a bleak morning. I'm going to go lay down and sleep to forget my thoughts.
It seems sleeping and getting high lead to the road of happiness.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Welcome to our new generation, we are the future(?)
REVISITED
For quite some time I've had this subject or topic (whatever you might want to call it) in the back of my head. It's been far too long for me to just let it be inside my head. Over the last 6 months that I've worked at my job I started seeing a whole different world during closing shifts. It's a depressive, bleak mood with struggles and addictions. Not a world of mindless fun and joy. Reality hit me hard. As a person, one wishes to have a good life surrounded by family and friends; family is what matters right? I'd like to believe that's the root of happiness.
I remember growing up. The concept of a family wasn't there, but I had family. I still do. I have friends. I have a job. I can't complain. Life is good and I am not complaining. I shouldn't take everything for granted. I'm slowly losing track of what I want to say. In the past weeks I have seen first-hand what our generation is really like. I get to witness what real America is like. A young generation full of homeless young adults. Life is barely starting and yet they're homeless already. Some around my age, some younger. This is America... this is home. Drugs and alcohol seem to be what cloud reality. Some resort to "selling plasma" in order to buy food for the day.
I remember when I was a kid, I would see this old homeless guy walking around our city. You could count the number of homeless with one hand in our city. Old men who gave in to their addictions, lost in their own hell. Those were the homeless people I knew. Now, 15yrs later, homeless people everywhere and the stereotype has changed. They no longer are old men with addictions and lost minds. It is those old friends from high school who made a bad decision. Young kids who just happened to be at the wrong place and wrong time. When I see these people I feel bad because I don't think they should be in such situation.
I keep writing this hoping for something good. It's depressing to know about their current situation. Such a depressing thing to think about. But that is what I see every day. That is America. That's all for now, I had to get this off my chest. I'm going back to sleep. I'm glad I have a roof over my head.
For quite some time I've had this subject or topic (whatever you might want to call it) in the back of my head. It's been far too long for me to just let it be inside my head. Over the last 6 months that I've worked at my job I started seeing a whole different world during closing shifts. It's a depressive, bleak mood with struggles and addictions. Not a world of mindless fun and joy. Reality hit me hard. As a person, one wishes to have a good life surrounded by family and friends; family is what matters right? I'd like to believe that's the root of happiness.
I remember growing up. The concept of a family wasn't there, but I had family. I still do. I have friends. I have a job. I can't complain. Life is good and I am not complaining. I shouldn't take everything for granted. I'm slowly losing track of what I want to say. In the past weeks I have seen first-hand what our generation is really like. I get to witness what real America is like. A young generation full of homeless young adults. Life is barely starting and yet they're homeless already. Some around my age, some younger. This is America... this is home. Drugs and alcohol seem to be what cloud reality. Some resort to "selling plasma" in order to buy food for the day.
I remember when I was a kid, I would see this old homeless guy walking around our city. You could count the number of homeless with one hand in our city. Old men who gave in to their addictions, lost in their own hell. Those were the homeless people I knew. Now, 15yrs later, homeless people everywhere and the stereotype has changed. They no longer are old men with addictions and lost minds. It is those old friends from high school who made a bad decision. Young kids who just happened to be at the wrong place and wrong time. When I see these people I feel bad because I don't think they should be in such situation.
I keep writing this hoping for something good. It's depressing to know about their current situation. Such a depressing thing to think about. But that is what I see every day. That is America. That's all for now, I had to get this off my chest. I'm going back to sleep. I'm glad I have a roof over my head.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
NIRVANA and simplicity.
All you must do is open up your mind and let simplicity with happiness.
Feel the joy, the smiles, the warmth of your loved ones.
Not a better feeling in the world to feel happy forever.
Only then will you find nirvana... That is how I found happiness...
In the most random times :p
Feel the joy, the smiles, the warmth of your loved ones.
Not a better feeling in the world to feel happy forever.
Only then will you find nirvana... That is how I found happiness...
In the most random times :p
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Saturday 2am
It's late, and my mind feels relaxed. Sounds become so amplified.
The waves, so clear. I'm not trying to sound weird, but everything feels so RIGHT just about now. I finally understand. I feel as if I'm typing as an anime character for a minute there. From a top floor high in some building... with nothing but the moon through the wall-windows.
Everything happens so fast... all the thoughts are gone in a second but time still doesn't manage to catch up
What a mindfuck!
The waves, so clear. I'm not trying to sound weird, but everything feels so RIGHT just about now. I finally understand. I feel as if I'm typing as an anime character for a minute there. From a top floor high in some building... with nothing but the moon through the wall-windows.
Everything happens so fast... all the thoughts are gone in a second but time still doesn't manage to catch up
What a mindfuck!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Life, nirvana, negativity.
Last night I was up doing some reading, mostly nonsense here and there, wasting my time on random articles while I was listening to Pandora. Suddenly this song started playing, and it had an effect on me. It was a nice touching song. If there was a song that had feelings it has to be this one. So I started wondering and questioning why are we born. What is the true purpose in life? I found a few articles about it and the different points of view on each person according to their age. It was a wide range of views that made me go from nostalgic to quite sad, to happy to just wondering how my views would be in 20yrs if I'm still alive.
So the main question is why are we born? to be slaves? were we created to serve? or is there anything else? do we really keep being reborn until we find quintessence? is there such thing as nirvana? are we more than just a lower species? what else is there? It'd be such a sad thing to find out we just die and nothing else happens. Is there a soul? chakra? what happens next..... just what happens next.
So the main question is why are we born? to be slaves? were we created to serve? or is there anything else? do we really keep being reborn until we find quintessence? is there such thing as nirvana? are we more than just a lower species? what else is there? It'd be such a sad thing to find out we just die and nothing else happens. Is there a soul? chakra? what happens next..... just what happens next.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Escape the Day
Currently it's about to be 6am. I'm sitting next to the window on the 2nd floor in my cousin's apartment. What am I doing here? relaxing for the weekend, and apparently insomnia struck me at 2am. I fell asleep for a while, woke up at 2 to the sounds of my aunt watching a video on YouTube. Could not go back to sleep after that.
Enough with the chit chat. Let's get into the rant, shall we? The weather is good finally, great windy afternoons. All these cold nights after work somehow calm me down. It's night of the early october. Or I should say morning but the sky is still dark. Things are good. Life is good. It can always be better.. it's always better, it was better a month ago (emotionally speaking). It shall be better soon, hopefully. Have in mind this is emotionally speaking. Life is great as it is when it comes to choices, job, being on my own. I could not complain about that.
Until then, this has been my small rant for this night/morning.
Enough with the chit chat. Let's get into the rant, shall we? The weather is good finally, great windy afternoons. All these cold nights after work somehow calm me down. It's night of the early october. Or I should say morning but the sky is still dark. Things are good. Life is good. It can always be better.. it's always better, it was better a month ago (emotionally speaking). It shall be better soon, hopefully. Have in mind this is emotionally speaking. Life is great as it is when it comes to choices, job, being on my own. I could not complain about that.
Until then, this has been my small rant for this night/morning.
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