Saturday 2am

It's late, and my mind feels relaxed. Sounds become so amplified.
The waves, so clear. I'm not trying to sound weird, but everything feels so RIGHT just about now. I finally understand. I feel as if I'm typing as an anime character for a minute there. From a top floor high in some building... with nothing but the moon through the wall-windows.
Everything happens so fast... all the thoughts are gone in a second but time still doesn't manage to catch up

What a mindfuck!

Life, nirvana, negativity.

Last night I was up doing some reading, mostly nonsense here and there, wasting my time on random articles while I was listening to Pandora. Suddenly this song started playing, and it had an effect on me. It was a nice touching song. If there was a song that had feelings it has to be this one. So I started wondering and questioning why are we born. What is the true purpose in life? I found a few articles about it and the different points of view on each person according to their age. It was a wide range of views that made me go from nostalgic to quite sad, to happy to just wondering how my views would be in 20yrs if I'm still alive.

So the main question is why are we born? to be slaves? were we created to serve? or is there anything else? do we really keep being reborn until we find quintessence? is there such thing as nirvana? are we more than just a lower species? what else is there? It'd be such a sad thing to find out we just die and nothing else happens. Is there a soul? chakra? what happens next..... just what happens next.

Escape the Day

Currently it's about to be 6am. I'm sitting next to the window on the 2nd floor in my cousin's apartment. What am I doing here? relaxing for the weekend, and apparently insomnia struck me at 2am. I fell asleep for a while, woke up at 2 to the sounds of my aunt watching a video on YouTube. Could not go back to sleep after that.

Enough with the chit chat. Let's get into the rant, shall we? The weather is good finally, great windy afternoons. All these cold nights after work somehow calm me down. It's night of the early october. Or I should say morning but the sky is still dark. Things are good. Life is good. It can always be better.. it's always better, it was better a month ago (emotionally speaking). It shall be better soon, hopefully. Have in mind this is emotionally speaking. Life is great as it is when it comes to choices, job, being on my own. I could not complain about that.

Until then, this has been my small rant for this night/morning.

Another night, another thought.

I cannot say that I do not love life. I, for once, have control in everything I do. Every single decision I take, every single action I make. I am an adult now. It was a rough awakening in the beginning. It still is sometimes but for the most part, I have things under control. I wanna believe I do. Every single thing is perfect. In reality nothing is perfect, but to me it fits the point where I could care less about perfection. I'm just content with how things are. Things could always be A LOT better. But I'm not complaining for once. I really am not. I am ok with how things are going.
This blog seems all positive. But who said it was all suppose to be about negativity?

I'm just ok with life at the moment. For how long? for as long as I can make things last. For as long as I give it my 100%. And I can't wait for the day to be surrounded by such warmth and joy like I did before. To be able to fall asleep with a smile on my face. To wake up with another smile.

Fall is finally here, summer is long gone for good.. at least for another 3 seasons. I have finally seen the foggy nights while coming home from work. Listening to Portishead now seems even more fitting and it makes sense. And soon, just soon...

I never wanted time to fly by but now I do, for now I do.

Just a thought.

I haven't really had the chance to sit down and write down my thoughts. Not for a while anyway. My time is usually being spent most of the time at work. The days of playing video games most of the time are gone. I no longer have the pleasure of seeing the sunset for most of the week, seeing as I go in at work at 6 for most of the time. It's been a change of pace, a different world, but for the most part it's helped me mature a little. My biggest complaint would be that I don't seem to enjoy music as much as I used to before. Why do I no longer buy records on the mail anymore? Why has the passion for buying vinyl and cassettes disappeared? Am I losing that passion? Am I just old and boring now? Why do I even bother writing this?

It's way too late to be writing this anyway. I'm sure nobody is going to stumble on this blog. Not that I care about that to begin with. But now I'm just wondering about who will read it. Oh well that's what insomnia does to someone at night. No sleep unconsciously made me think foolish things.

I wonder what I wanna do later on after work, probably nothing but the gym. I must get my old shape back, and why is that? because there's some deadly elbows out there that I must face sometime in the near future... And I will win. I wanna believe I will.

But for now, this is all. It's time for me to get some sleep.

Words of wisdom.... Yes?

To be "pretentious," grandiose, to remain faithful to an impossible goal, to stay in contact with one's own desire and follow through with its consequences, unsure of what they will be ... to be real. That's what it is to live, I think.

Sick!

It hasn't been 6 months and here I am, once again, sick!
I hate it.
I got nothing new to say, other than the weekend went fairly well.
Bike riding at night is the best.