Update.

Wow well I've lagged it on updating this blog.

So here are the news with my life... this won't take long.

I quit the gym about 2 months ago. Balley was a total rip-off and I was unhappy with it. It just wasn't really what I wanted. A month later after I quit I injured my knee and didn't give it proper time to heal. That left me to rest for a whole month. Today it's been a month and a week since I stopped running and I miss it.
I have completely forgotten that feeling one gets when running, that happiness. I just don't have it in me.

I started to fight about 2wks ago. It seems like something I am good at since I've won most of them, and only lost one. In my defense, I lost that fight cuz I was tired from 2 previous fights minutes earlier.

Anyway, lately life hasn't been how I pictured it 2 or 3 months ago.. I was hoping things would be different and better for me. I really wanted things to change and I still do, but life, well more like I seem to push things far away from me and it just blows. I don't try to because that's the last thing I want to do. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe I am scared and unconsciously I end up pushing things away. I hope and pray I am given one last chance to show things aren't supposed to end in a bad or just sour way. Sometimes I wonder too many things and this rant has completely moved from its original path.

A random June writing... for a lonely night. Maybe it's the post-rock, maybe it's the loneliness. I sure could use a bit of time to think things through but I wish a certain's person's time would also help me figure out so many, many things... I don't like life sometimes, and yet I am glad to be me... eh well.

This is all for June... or so it seems.

Random afternoon rant

I bothered to write down some thoughts earlier today while I was sitting on my backyard and here they are:

I couldn't run today. My injured leg keeps me from running. I'm hoping that it'll be ok by next weekend.
I miss running. I feel ok at this very moment. I cleaned the damn backyard, there were too many leaves, and the rain didn't help at all. But I'm not complaining about the rain, I sure missed it. I feel at peace today, just like when I run.
Whenever I run, I forget about everything, not a care in the world, nothing but me and running. Me wanting to get to the end of the orange line. Some times I've found myself listening to the band DREAMS and while that happens, the only thing that goes through my head is that my dream at that very moment is to run, to prove to myself that I'm alive.

Running is my therapy as I've mentioned before. Whenever I run I can honestly say I understand what "happiness" is.

Happiness

What is it? How do you define "it"?
How do you know what exactly is happiness?
Natural ecstasy perhaps?
Today I wondered, reached no conclusion... so I wondered some more.
I thought "today I want happiness."
Sought out to find it.
I txt'd someone.
Smiled.
Was that happiness?
Read a book, smiled some more.
I asked myself once again "is this happiness?"

[Sunshine, the earth says hellooooo!.... intermeZZZo]


What a bummer, I find myself still trying to define happiness.
I haven't the single clue as to how to get me some happiness.
If they sold it in any supermarket I'd be saying "give me 3lbs of happiness to go"
Maybe tomorrow things will be different...
I will find happiness... and give everyone a bit of it, like candy.
And the earth will finally say "hellooooooooo"

Dreaming

Am I awake?
Another random post?
Who's to say what's random...
7:55pm
Pass me some dreams... get me 3lbs of happiness to go please.
Oh no, I won't be having the usual.
Today I want happiness to go with sugar on top.
Donde estan los sodas.
que pasa!!!
Oh no, oh dios mio says el J. otra ves.
What is this now!
There's a cloud above us.. seems like someone is smiling.
Tomorrow, hopefully the sun won't shine.

Together

Everything is breaking apart.
Sin DIOS!!!
Miserias del systema.
Worthless thoughts. Never meant to make it to anyone's eyes.
Las palabras son importantes.
Answer.
8:40 am.
My first thoughts: I am hungry and need food.
Midnight madness.
No midnight snack. Lost talk
Black Metal records lying on the floor.
A random punk song to cure the heart.
Donde estan los snacks says J.
El Mafia!
Look out.
Bam bam.

Not everything has to make sense!

Brand

My thoughts are all mixed up. I can't express myself.

Everything is so far away from where things should be, figuratively.

It feels so empty in the sense that things can't seem to forge themselves into one act that perseveres through every form of animosity and negativism. I dare believe there's a beautiful tomorrow. For now I can't really think straight.

3am coffee and happiness.

*(The picture to the right was taken on my walk the last Friday but I didn't feel like posting it. Not yet anyway).

I'm starting to think I write for the sake of it. Just to keep my thoughts alive, don't really have another reason. I doubt anyone but Creo and the other "follower" Roihu read this. Some just glance through it for a second or two, just like I've done before in the past on other sites. I read, I feel, and it's not enough to keep my head in peace. I'm tired of wondering and wandering for so long. 

I'm not even sure if what I write is more than worthless lines that mean nothing but a waste of time to people that bother to come look at this blog.

I write, I dislike, I delete and then start over again.

I keep trying to make a good post, to make something worthy of your time.

In hope that you'll understand I do too have something to share.

Not just a dumb rant about a lonely day... even if that was all that I had.

I read a few lines from other blog earlier tonight and then I wondered why do some people neglect what they have and yet believe they have nothing... that made me realize I have done so too in the past and still keep doing it to some extent.

I felt like a hypocrite and with no right to judge.

I apologize.

The few lines I've managed to write so far seem like a rant rather than a good use of space.

I didn't even try to make it look that way because I'm not mad or sad.

I'm ok with myself at the moment... listening to Hypomanie and waiting for an email about a picture I worked on Photoshop today.

But that's just another story for some other day.